July 13, 2015

Not Tied Down / Looking For Connection

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — rvchua @ 4:52 am

Being single means I can do almost anything I want. I can stay in a coffee shop and read for hours until my back or butt complains. I can go on an overseas trip the next day as long as I have clean clothes and my passport is not expired (will be soon!). I can try paella negra without scaring anyone when I open my mouth. I can practice yoga early in the morning or late at night and not be self conscious that I smell vinegary. I can live like a pig or a minimalist or a cheapskate.

Much as I prefer to be alone, there are times that I want to be with other people. It is those times when I feel vulnerable, depressed or needy. Usually what happens is that the person has other priorities or is too busy. My automatic response is to become angry and resentful and more depressed. I overanalyze the situation and ask myself if I read too much into the relationship.

It takes a while for me to come to the realization (again!) that my happiness does not depend on another person. But I am not strong enough to be always independent. There is still a need to connect with someone in some levels. How to find balance? How to be alone yet part of something?


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